"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
