Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
