Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
