Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
