Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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