thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
