I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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