We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
