Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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