I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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