we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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