id be glad to
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
