so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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