Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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