The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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