cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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