Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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