Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.

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(812): View more from Indiana

through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

(847): View more from Illinois

ill be there in 5.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(864): View more from South Carolina

Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this

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(818): View more from California

You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.

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