I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.