"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.