i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU