Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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