Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.

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  (817): Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house. (405): Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box. (817): I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift. http://tfl.nu/erp5
  Replies (103) Good night (1410) Bad night (2892)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.

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  (609): ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise. http://tfl.nu/slpx
  Replies (13) Good night (2841) Bad night (552)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"

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  (214): Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid" http://tfl.nu/i4ng
  Replies (12) Good night (5414) Bad night (1050)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music

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  (303): Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music http://tfl.nu/qvs5
  Replies (9) Good night (978) Bad night (3173)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...

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  (303): Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time... http://tfl.nu/53f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2372) Bad night (1051)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.

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  (503): i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday. http://tfl.nu/ygu9
  Replies (9) Good night (6421) Bad night (1083)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.

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  (305): Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math. http://tfl.nu/nfyi
  Replies (3) Good night (1523) Bad night (650)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh God.

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  (919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g
  Replies (20) Good night (4753) Bad night (771)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.

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  (413): It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element. http://tfl.nu/cv3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1789) Bad night (698)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.

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  (917): I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking. http://tfl.nu/qvff
  Replies (23) Good night (1342) Bad night (3675)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.

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  (330): He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me. http://tfl.nu/bsc2
  Replies (13) Good night (2184) Bad night (619)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.

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  (513): Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/y1zp
  Replies (15) Good night (1622) Bad night (1008)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.

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  (772): To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like. http://tfl.nu/xu7z
  Replies (10) Good night (407) Bad night (673)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.

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  (214): If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete. http://tfl.nu/s2yi
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (269)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."

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  (586): I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone." http://tfl.nu/272w
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (370)

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