He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.