I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.