I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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