your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
