my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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