there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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