I puked a lego.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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