Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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