somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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