Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michael Bay diarrhea
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
