i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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