I wannas sexs uuuuu
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize