You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
