Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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