if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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