Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's never too late to be topless.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
