Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
