If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
