When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
