Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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