the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
