I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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