i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
