I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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