doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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