This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
