It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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