I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
