god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
