Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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