Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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