dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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