I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The adults are the big ones right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we should paint friendship bongs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
