think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
