Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
