clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
