how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
