Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
