we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
