When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
