let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
