tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
