The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
