New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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