Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
