pop tarts are not kleenex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
