so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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