Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
