Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
