I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to get me chipped asap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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