you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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