i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
